I am human. I know, completely hard to believe!! I am though, I promise! So being as I am human and being as I lift, I always have more mental and physical stress than the average person. I’ve always been so proud of how I handle massive amounts of stress and I’ve never been phased when more has been added. I feel like Atlas. Don’t twist my words now, I said feel like, I in no way think I’m a god!! So I handle stress well, yay! That’s the easy part. Fighting your mental battles is what really defines and sets some people apart. I’d like to believe that I’m one of those people.
Every single day I do the same routine. I eat the same thing and I fight the same battles. I AM my own worst enemy. Some days are easier but for the most part it’s over the same two things: diet and exercise. It is me telling myself how much I want that pizza or Mexican food but then beating myself up about becoming fat and destroying my goals. It can get unbearable. It makes me feel like a lunatic. I couldn’t even give you a number of times that I’ve eaten what I wanted and then spent the next day hating myself. There’s no middle ground. I truly think some days that I really do have a problem. The same applies to lifting. I work at a high stress/ heavy work job, the hours are long and most days we skip sitting for lunch. My days can range from 12-15 hours, counting my wake up time. I’ve left work falling asleep at the wheel but I STILL argue with myself about working out, even when sleep would benefit me more. When it comes to skipping the gym all emotions let loose, it’s like an emotional roller coaster. I cry about going but then get angry at being weak. My inner realist knows that I should just go because I’ll feel better even if I’m tired. Some days it just ain’t that easy. I get so bent out of shape that almost nothing makes it better. I have a great support group and that’s normal the final step to my tantrum. Whether or not they help is situational.
I can sit here and see the looks on your faces. I sound crazy but to be completely honest I think when you have this kind of discipline day in and day out it wears on you. Everyone and their easy nine to five job, their TV show binge watching and their fast food eating does effect you. It’s around you twenty four-seven. Some days, all though few and far between I feel like giving up and seeing what that’s like. I want to feel more than sleep, work, gym but the beast inside me quickly tells me that I’m not made to sit. I am made to inspire, motivate and set an example. Every person that’s ever said that I inspire them goes through my head when I feel like quitting because that is what makes me happy at the end of my day. You guys keep me going because I cannot fail you!
Today was one of those days. I over came and met a friend at the gym. It was a frustrating workout because I felt weak and tired. I had good company and even though I was dropping weight during sets I still kept going. When I finally finished leg day I knew why I started lifting all over again. I love how it makes me feel. Granted I’m not 100 percent but I’m better.
So I took some selfies, it makes me happy to see how far I’ve come.